Causing an Effect

“A life without a cause is a life without effect”, says Paulo Coelho in his book Aleph. It is a phrase that not only jumped at me when I read it, but is also causing much reflection on my part. I know that every action has a reaction, every cause an effect, but this is slightly different from the usual take on karma.

This is much more deliberate and conscious. This asks us to take a good look at our life and discover the causes we live for. What are we passionate about, and more importantly, what are we doing about it? It implies that when we find a cause, life will not only be meaningful for us, but will also impact on the bigger world we inhabit –  our lives will have an effect on the people and places surrounding us for the better.

Standing in the middle of a period of transformation and change over which I have hardly any control is making me feel as if I am trying to ‘stand on water’.  I am fluctuating between exhilarating highs where life seems unmatched in beauty and happiness to dark lows where no light or beauty can penetrate the waves of depression. It is within this fluctuating rhythm that is now dominating my existence that I am asking: “What is my cause?”

I know what it used to be, but am quite uncertain as to what it currently is or where I am heading. Stripped from the certainty of my previous role of yoga teacher I feel naked and vulnerable. The future is a blank canvas waiting for me to brush that first stroke of bold colour onto the emptiness.

I am quite obsessive about understanding the place I now call home and its culture, and as a result I am ferociously devouring everything I can lay my hands on through curious eyes; I am visiting as many historical places in my immediate vicinity as I can; and ordering my thoughts into the physical shape of a blog. Is this then my new cause? I don’t know. Perhaps.  For now I am simply trying to embrace that which is causing a passionate stirring in my soul. Where it will lead me is still wrapped in hazy uncertainty; clouded with self-doubt.

I am allowing myself to awaken from a comfortable, yet dormant state of being. I am like a seed that is being watered: I have no choice but to absorb the moisture, expand, burst open and grow. I must confess that it is a tad uncomfortable at times, especially as I am resisting the inevitable in ways that surprise me. Perhaps I should remind myself to keep my curiosity intact, trust that things will turn out the way they should and simply wonder: “What I will be when I grow up?”

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