Restless Action and the Desire for More

We live in an age where acquisition is paramount; be it physical possessions, status, or knowledge. We are constantly made to feel that whatever we have or wherever we are, is just not enough, and so we start a compelling search for what we think we need or want.

My problem, most of the time, is that I cannot quite pinpoint exactly what it is I want. Yes, I know that I want peace, a slow way of existing and to share my journey and findings with others. “Too vague!” I am reprimanded by the literature I read on how it is possible to reach my destination ONLY if I know where I am heading. That thought leaves me with an immense dilemma, as I simply have no idea as to where I am heading. Ok, so maybe I have some sort of vague inclination as to where I’d like to go, but none of it is set in stone, and there are so many opposing places I wouldn’t mind being in my life that I feel slightly bewildered at the best of times. I like to think that this is an indication of my flexibility, but I guess it simply signifies that I am a bit of a drifter.

What I do know for sure is that I am heading towards death, which is most probably the only tangible certainty in my life, but setting goals and drawing up five-year plans to make sure that I achieve it, just doesn’t feel right. It is going to happen regardless of any planning on my part! I guess this is how I feel about life in general: it is going to happen regardless of any planning on my part. Don’t get me wrong. I am not apathetic about life. I grab opportunities coming my way with both hands, and in doing so, I not only have immense amounts of fun, I learn so many new things as a result, and never neglect to acknowledge my gratitude, but somehow I never plan for it. What I do in life, and as a result experience, is hardly ever motivated by a need for achievement or yearning for excellence. Ironically enough, achievement and excellence, like happiness and satisfaction always follow on passion’s heels.

The following words uttered by the character Siddhartha in the book of the same name by Herman Hesse perhaps explain the way I approach my life best: “When someone is seeking it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything, unable to absorb anything, because he is only thinking of the thing he is seeking, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: to have a goal; but finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal. You, O worthy one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, for in striving towards your goal, you do not see many things that are under your nose.”

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